I thought we were working it out? You said you would always be the chief of my heart. I know you said that you needed some more time… even though I gave that to you since the beginning of the year. Every week it is the same routine. I call. You don’t answer. Then you send me a text saying “Next Friday I will know for sure”. And. I. Wait. The next Friday arrives and we are right back at square one.
Why don’t you love me? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU? Why are you trying to leave me? Have I not been good to you? Have I not supported you during everything that you have done to me? Let’s not talk about the weeks of amazing body shaking interrupted giant victories that you gave me, only for me to catch you in bed with some bird… giving her everything that was promised to me. But I guess you thought this was all a game because that same bird didn’t get far either… even though you promised her victory as long as she kept Vick by her side. All the while, I stayed true to you. I watched you week after week as you gave your love to others. You even packed up went to huge party in Dallas and gave a ring, no MY ring, to another when it was supposed to be MINE. You told me your favorite color was blue but green was the only thing I saw that night while drowning my sorrows in beer and hot wings. I guess I should just be happy the ring wasn’t stolen huh?
I stood strong and defended you (and still do) when someone tells me you are leaving me. Even as I type this letter to you, I don’t know why I stay. You asked for money, I gave it to you. You needed a place to lay your head three nights a week for a whole season… I provided my bed and television for you. You asked for me to wear your colors proudly and profess to the world that I was yours… I hung pictures on my office wall, dressed my dog in a miniature version of your uniform and I even put you on my birthday wish list. Still, day in and day out I have to sit in a sea of uncertainty and wonder if you are coming back to me in 3 ½ weeks.
I know I could do better. Maybe I should try something more European. But there is something in the way you move that keeps me running back to you. Maybe it is the thrill because when it is good… OH BABY is it good. You give me a feeling like no other. Yes, I know you give that same feelings to others because they call me and tell me. But I don’t care as long as I can have a piece of you. All I want is to hold you one more time. Give us one more chance. Even though you don’t deserve it, even though you put me through more emotional trips than I could bear in one life time, I want you back. I feel emotionally jetlagged but I keep holding on with the strength of a titan and the hope of a saint. The thought of losing you indefinitely is enough to make a grown woman cry beg. Please don’t make me beg… more. I hope you finally understand my pain and the passion that I hold for you. I want that old thing back… that 2008 bliss.
Come back to me… my television and my heart are ready, willing, and impatiently waiting.
Your #1 Fan