I am quite honestly the worst person for you to ever consider being your role model. Shocked? Don’t be. At 25, my life has been a drug induced road trip to the land of understanding. As you will see, I have yet to make it there. Hell, I am pretty sure I am still trying to gather the gas money to start the trip. I may not know much about life, but I do know that I might have screwed up mine and this is what has led me to leaving you these notes of love. I want you to know who I am today, so you can be better than me tomorrow.
This is not for the faint of heart. I am not here to feed you half-truths about who your mother is. I want you to look at the paths that I have chosen and why. For years I have always wondered about my own mother. Who was she at my age? She was a mother of two, married and living in Brooklyn… but who was she? Why did she make her choices? What are her regrets? Has she been where I’ve been? If so, why the fuck didn’t she tell me so I could have skipped that whole heartache and pain? Why are parents so terrified of being honest? We demand pure honesty of everyone else but ourselves. Here is my attempt at being honest with you.
I guess we should start with my amazing skill of being unlucky in love. I, like many other women my age, have super human powers to love those who couldn’t care less about me. However, that is only half of the story. I am also guilty of not being able to like or love guys that are really into me. I talk a good game of wanting to get married and start a nation of football playing scholars. I want the house and the two car garage. I want it all. I just seem to want it all with the guy that wants it all with… her. “Her” is some airhead that is more likely to slash his tires because he forgot to send a good morning text message. “Her” is a big booty stripper look-a-like. “Her” is the girl who happened to swoop in the midst of our “break”. “Her” is a bitch and I hate her because she always finds a way to be lucky in love. May she die a thousand deaths. Hey, I am just being honest.
She is the exact opposite of me. She cheats on him continuously. She is a prude. She LOVES to fight and HATES all of his friends. She doesn’t want to comfort her man. Nor does she want to make sure that he is emotionally, physically and mentally happy so they can grow together. She only thinks about herself. She is selfish while I am selfless. I just want to love and be loved. She just wants a good time. I want to start a nation. She wants to start a joint account. Somehow, she is always more attractive than me. God forbid you are anything like me; she will always be more attractive than you too. She is the devil in a dress to women like me.
I will say this though… I have been very lucky with sex… But that is a topic for another week.